Expat Regret: Why 40% of Expats Move Back (And How to Avoid Being One of Them)

The expat dream dominates social media. Sun-drenched balconies in Lisbon. Coworking sessions in Bali with ocean views. Retirees toasting sunsets in Mexico on a fraction of their US budget. What you rarely see is the other side of the story — the people who packed up their lives, moved abroad with genuine excitement, and came home defeated within two years.

The data is sobering. Roughly 40% of expats return to their home country within two to three years, and not because they planned to. Loneliness, culture shock, financial miscalculations, and the “grass is greener” illusion are the biggest killers of international moves. These are not people who failed to plan. Many of them researched extensively, budgeted carefully, and still hit walls they never saw coming.

This article examines the real reasons people move back, the warning signs to watch for before and during a move, and the concrete strategies that dramatically improve your odds of thriving abroad. Whether you are in the planning phase or already overseas and struggling, understanding why expats fail is the first step toward making sure you do not become a statistic.

The Data on Expat Failure

The numbers paint a consistent picture. According to BGRS Global Mobility Trends surveys and research from the Brookfield Global Relocation Services report, approximately 40% of international assignments end earlier than planned. InterNations Expat Insider surveys have found that more than 50% of expats report significant loneliness in their first twelve months abroad. This is not a marginal phenomenon — it is the majority experience.

The top five reasons expats cite for returning home are remarkably consistent across studies:

1. Family ties and homesickness — the pull of aging parents, growing nieces and nephews, and the holidays you keep missing
2. Financial strain — the actual cost of living abroad exceeded expectations by 25–40%
3. Failed to build a social network — acquaintances but no real friends after 12+ months
4. Culture shock that never resolved — the novelty wore off but the friction did not
5. Career stagnation — professional growth stalled without a local network or advancement path

There is an important distinction here between a planned return and a defeated retreat. Plenty of people move abroad with a two-year plan and come home on schedule. That is success. The 40% figure represents people who left earlier than intended, who came home feeling like they failed — and many of them carry that regret for years afterward.

The 7 Most Common Expat Regrets

Spend any time on r/expats, r/IWantOut, or expat Facebook groups and you will see the same themes repeated weekly. These are the regrets that come up most often — and they are all avoidable with the right preparation.

1. “I didn't learn the language”

The English bubble is comfortable but deeply isolating. You can survive in tourist zones, international restaurants, and expat enclaves without a word of the local language. But surviving is not living. Without basic conversational ability, you are permanently locked out of genuine local relationships, neighborhood culture, and the small daily interactions — chatting with the baker, joking with the landlord, understanding the news — that make a place feel like home.

Countries where you need the local language for anything beyond tourist zones include France, Japan, South Korea, Brazil, and Germany. Even in countries with high English proficiency like the Netherlands or Portugal, locals notice and deeply appreciate the effort. Mitigation: commit to six months of basic language study before moving. Get to A2 or B1 level. Apps like Duolingo are a start, but pair them with a tutor on iTalki or Preply for conversational practice.

2. “I underestimated the cost”

Cost-of-living calculators compare groceries and rent. They do not capture the hidden costs that blindside expats: visa renewal fees ($200–$1,500 depending on country), international flights home ($1,500–$3,000 per trip for US–Europe), private health insurance ($150–$500/month), international shipping, foreign transaction fees, maintaining US tax obligations, stateside storage units, and the premium you pay for familiar products abroad.

The reality is that you should budget at least 30% above what cost-of-living comparison tools estimate. That buffer accounts for the startup costs of establishing a new life, the inefficiencies of not knowing where to find the best deals, and the emotional spending that comes with homesickness. Our guide to how much money you need to move abroad covers the full picture.

3. “I moved for the wrong reasons”

Running from something is not the same as running to something. Political frustration, a bad breakup, burnout, or vague dissatisfaction with American life — these are understandable motivations, but they are not sufficient on their own. The problems you are trying to escape often follow you across borders. Loneliness does not care what country you are in. Anxiety about the political climate becomes anxiety about visa renewals. The feeling of not belonging in the US becomes the feeling of not belonging anywhere.

The expats who thrive are the ones who can articulate a specific, affirmative reason for choosing their destination: “I want to live near the ocean and work on my art in a low-cost environment, and Portugal offers that.” Not: “I need to get out of here.”

4. “I couldn't make real friends”

This is the silent killer of international moves. Expat bubbles form fast but tend to be shallow — people bonded by circumstance rather than genuine connection. And local friendships take years, not months, particularly in cultures where adult friendship follows different rules than the American model of fast, casual warmth.

The 18-month wall is a phenomenon that experienced expats know well: the novelty of your new country has worn off, the initial burst of social energy has faded, and you are left with the quiet realization that you have acquaintances but no one you can truly count on. This is the inflection point where many people start booking one-way flights home. Our guide to making friends abroad covers strategies that actually work.

5. “The bureaucracy was unbearable”

Americans accustomed to relatively straightforward government processes are often stunned by the bureaucratic complexity of living abroad. Visa renewals that require a dozen notarized documents. Residence permits that take six months to process. Opening a foreign bank account that requires an in-person appointment, three forms of ID, and a prayer. FATCA compliance that makes US banks reluctant to deal with expats. Healthcare systems that are excellent but nearly impossible to navigate without the local language.

Some countries are dramatically worse than others. France, Germany, and Brazil are notorious for labyrinthine bureaucracy. Portugal, Georgia, and Mexico are significantly more straightforward. If bureaucratic tolerance is low on your list of strengths, factor this into your destination choice. See our ranking of easiest visa countries.

6. “I missed my family more than expected”

Everyone says they will be fine with FaceTime. Almost no one actually is. Missing births, funerals, holidays, and the slow everyday moments — a parent aging, a sibling's new house, a nephew's first steps — takes a psychological toll that compounds over time. The guilt is the hardest part: the nagging sense that you chose adventure over responsibility.

Then there is the financial dimension. Flights from the US to Europe run $1,500–$3,000 per trip. To Asia, $2,000–$4,000. If you visit family twice a year, that is $3,000–$8,000 annually that never appears in cost-of-living calculators. Budget for it. And be honest with yourself: if your parents are elderly, if your siblings are having children, if holidays are sacred — those ties deserve weight in your decision, not dismissal.

7. “My career stalled”

Professional networks matter more than most expats realize until those networks disappear. Remote work solves the income problem but not the advancement problem. Promotions disproportionately favor people who are physically present. Industry connections wither when you are 8,000 miles and nine time zones away. Some industries simply cannot function remotely — healthcare, law, education, many government roles.

Perhaps most concerning: re-entry to the US job market after years abroad can be surprisingly difficult. Employers sometimes view international experience as a gap rather than an asset, especially if you were freelancing or working for non-US companies. Before moving, think seriously about your five-year career trajectory, not just your current employment situation.

The Reverse Culture Shock Nobody Warns You About

Here is something that catches almost every returning expat off guard: coming home often feels worse than leaving. You prepared emotionally for the challenges of moving abroad. Nobody prepares you for the disorientation of moving back.

Everything familiar feels subtly alien. The grocery store has too many options. Conversations feel shallow. You catch yourself converting prices to euros. Your friends are glad you are back but have no framework for understanding what you went through, and their eyes glaze over the third time you mention Lisbon. The daily rhythms you adopted abroad — the afternoon coffee ritual, the evening passeggiata, the slower pace — have no equivalent, and you realize you are grieving a life you chose to leave.

Psychologists call this reverse culture shock, and research suggests it takes 6 to 12 months to fully readjust to life at home. Some people never do. A significant percentage of returned expats end up leaving again within a few years, caught in a loop where neither home nor abroad feels quite right. This is not a sign of failure. It is a sign that living abroad fundamentally changed how you see the world — and you cannot unsee it.

The best protection against reverse culture shock is to never fully burn your bridges abroad. Keep your international friendships alive. Maintain language skills. And if you do return, give yourself the same grace period you would give a move to a new country — because in a real sense, that is exactly what it is.

How to Dramatically Improve Your Odds

The 40% failure rate is not destiny. The expats who thrive abroad tend to share a set of common strategies that reduce risk dramatically. None of these are complicated. All of them require discipline.

1. Do a 3-month trial first. Do not sell your house, quit your job, or ship your belongings until you have lived the daily reality. Rent an apartment for 90 days during the least glamorous season. If you still love it after three months of grocery shopping, visa paperwork, and rainy Tuesdays — it is real.
2. Learn the language to B1 level before moving. B1 proficiency changes everything. Friendships, bureaucracy, and daily life all become dramatically easier. Six months of daily practice with a tutor on iTalki plus structured study can get you there.
3. Build your social circle strategy. Clubs, volunteering, coworking spaces, local sports leagues, language exchange events — not just expat Facebook groups. Treat your social life like a project with specific weekly actions.
4. Have an 18-month emergency fund, not 6 months. An international move involves more unknowns than a domestic one. Visa delays, unexpected costs, healthcare gaps, and the startup expenses of establishing a new life all draw from this buffer. Eighteen months prevents the panic decisions that send people home prematurely.
5. Choose a country that matches your values, not just your Instagram aesthetic. A beautiful coastline means nothing if the social culture is isolating, the bureaucracy is crushing, or the healthcare does not meet your needs. Prioritize alignment with how you actually want to live.
6. Maintain home connections deliberately. Scheduled weekly calls, annual visits, active group chats. Relationships at home will not maintain themselves across nine time zones. Budget for at least two trips home per year.
7. Get professional help early if you feel isolated. Therapists, expat coaches, and online counseling platforms like BetterHelp work from anywhere. Do not wait until loneliness becomes clinical depression. The adjustment period is hard, and there is no weakness in getting support.
8. Do not burn bridges at home. Keep professional contacts active. Maintain your credit score. Leave a soft landing pad. The best expat moves are the ones where going home is a choice, not a last resort.

The trial run is the single most important step. A three-month stay in your target country during the least glamorous season (not summer in Barcelona, try January) gives you a realistic picture of daily life. You will discover whether the bureaucracy is tolerable, whether you can handle the language, and whether the culture genuinely fits — or whether you were in love with a vacation, not a lifestyle.

The financial buffer deserves emphasis. Most financial advisors recommend six months of expenses for a domestic move. An international move involves more unknowns: visa processing delays, security deposits in a foreign system, healthcare gaps, and the startup costs of establishing credit and banking abroad. Eighteen months of runway gives you the freedom to weather setbacks without making panicked decisions that could send you home prematurely.

Finally, do not underestimate the importance of choosing a country for the right reasons. Our guide to choosing a country walks through a structured framework for evaluating destinations based on what actually matters for long-term satisfaction — not just cost and weather, but social culture, bureaucratic ease, healthcare access, and alignment with your personal values.

Countries with the Highest Expat Satisfaction

Not all destinations are created equal. InterNations Expat Insider surveys consistently show that certain countries produce dramatically higher satisfaction rates than others. The common thread is not luxury or low cost — it is a combination of warm social culture, relatively easy integration, affordable lifestyle, and a welcoming attitude toward foreigners.

Notice what these countries share: none of them are the wealthiest or most developed nations in the world. What they offer is social warmth, cultural openness, and a cost of living that allows you to actually enjoy your life. Expat satisfaction is driven less by infrastructure and more by how easy it is to feel welcomed, build relationships, and settle into a rhythm that feels sustainable. Use our lifestyle rankings to explore which countries score highest on the dimensions that matter most to long-term happiness.

Moving Abroad Can Be the Best Decision of Your Life

None of this is meant to discourage you. Moving abroad, done thoughtfully, remains one of the most transformative and rewarding experiences a person can have. The point is that it requires more than enthusiasm. It requires honest self-assessment, rigorous financial planning, realistic expectations about the adjustment curve, and a willingness to invest in the social and emotional infrastructure that will sustain you when the honeymoon phase ends.

The expats who make it are not braver or luckier than the ones who come home. They are better prepared. They chose their destination based on data, not daydreams. They built financial cushions that absorbed shocks. They treated social integration as a priority, not an afterthought. And they went in with eyes open about the trade-offs — understanding that gaining a new life abroad means genuinely losing parts of the old one.

If you are serious about making a move that sticks, start with information. Take our two-minute quiz to find countries that match your specific priorities and lifestyle. Explore our free comparison tools to see how destinations stack up on cost, safety, healthcare, and more. Read the complete moving abroad checklist to make sure you are not overlooking critical steps. And browse our country comparison pages to put your top choices side by side.

Use data, not just dreams. That is how you avoid becoming part of the 40%.